halloween never made sense to me

i’ve never really liked halloween. i’ve tried, from trick-or-treating as a kid to the college version with short skirts and plastic drinks, but it has always felt a little off. not dirty in the obvious way (well, maybe sometimes), just strange. even as a kid, knocking on strangers’ doors for candy never made sense to me.

i grew up in eastern europe, back when halloween wasn’t a thing. it only showed up after we moved to the u.s. suddenly there were movies, decorations, and costumes everywhere. we dressed up because that’s what everyone did, not because it meant anything to us.

i have always loved fantasy. stories, movies, that escape into something magical. but halloween feels different. it is dark in a way that doesn’t sit right.

the culture around it is fascinating though. people here go all in. it is impressive, but also a reminder of how strong american consumerism is. fortune 500 marketing teams have turned fear and sugar into a national event.

now, as a parent, i still can’t bring myself to play along. my kids have never gone trick-or-treating or worn costumes. they don’t miss it; you can’t miss what you’ve never had. but every year i wonder if i’m holding them back from some childhood experience. then i think about it. walking around in the cold, asking strangers for candy we are told to x-ray later. i can buy them a whole bag from costco.

maybe that’s all it is. not that deep, just not for me.